Legacy projects – Leave something behind that really matters

In a previous article, I wrote about how being aware of death can help you figure out how to live life better. And when you have lived a life – any life – you will be making some impact on the people around you. The worry for those left behind can be a source of anxiety when you think about your own death. It is something we simply cannot control, nor help heal after we have died. But there are ways to make it easier.

After my father died my mother gave us all a chance to keep a personal item of my father's that reminded us of him. We chose diaries, watches, clothing. My father carried a diary wherever he went and wore the same watch for centuries so they became very much part of his image. I chose a hoodie. And when I am feeling a little low, I put on this touristy hoodie my father once bought on a ferry in Germany. It makes him present for me in a way I can barely explain.

Examples of end of life legacy projects

These items have no monetary value and yet they meant the world to us. There are other ways to bring the presence of people we miss to us. Many end of life practitioners recommend what we call legacy projects. These are beautiful celebrations of relationships. They solidify memories, help manage grief and anxiety of the dying and those that will grieve them.

Instead of focusing on the illness, we can focus on creating a favourite family recipe book, putting together an advice book, letting people know what you love and admire, putting together emails into a correspondence that celebrates friendship, or going through old photos and writing down memories. There are so many beautiful examples online.

The one that struck me the most is the person pillow; probably because my father’s hoodie means so much to me. It is often recommended for smaller children, but at age 52 I can tell you it works for adults too. Take a favourite sweater, hoodie, dress, T-Shirt, stuff it and sew it to be a pillow. The sense of being able to physically hold something in memory of a person can be beautifully healing.

Why legacy projects are a good idea

Doing this work before people die also helps us deal with anticipatory grief – grief we already feel before the death we anticipate.

Of course grief has its place and we are not trying to detract from the importance of taking time to grieve. But legacy projects help us focus on the now, on the person who may be dying but is alive, on our relationship with that person and all we gain from it. And we celebrate and create more memories as we laugh over odd memories or strange recipes and clever stories of our shared lives. Because grief stops memories and legacy projects help us keep them going.

If I had known about legacy projects when my father was diagnosed as terminal, I would have taken the opportunity to look at our ancestry, fill the gaps on personal stories and debate the types of ancestors we have from a political/historical perspective. Digging into his family’s past was something he loved to do and which I only really started appreciating much later in life.

Each family has their own memories and ways to perpetuate and keep them and each family member will have different needs. Figuring out what the legacy project will be together can be part of the fun. A google search on “end of life legacy projects” will lead to many different ideas. Doing this continues to celebrate life while it still is and does not let death take over before it is time.

If you have thoughts on your own legacy project or have been involved in one already please let us know. We would love to hear from you.

All the best

Britta

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Meet Britta Rotmann

Britta is an end of life companion doula who shifted from a varied career in law, government, international organisations and NPOs to the more sacred work of being with people at the end of their life. Although her BA, LLB and Masters in Law bring relevant knowledge to the field, it is her ability to ask the tough questions and sit in difficult conversations that is her core competency in this work.

Britta writes about what makes our end of life processes easier so that we can focus on the sacredness of this time. Contact Britta at meerkatphilosophy@gmail.com or read more about her here.