How thinking about death helps you live – even if you're not currently dying
- Britta Rotmann
- Nov 3
- 3 min read
In Paulo Coelho’s book “Veronika decides to die”, the head of a mental institution sets out to find a cure for what he names “Vitriol” or “bitterness”, as seen in his patients who suffer from depression, anxiety and panic attacks.
In order to prove his thesis he uses a young woman who has attempted suicide by telling her that, although she survived the attempt, she has done so much damage that she has a week to live at most. In that week Veronika discovers a will to live in a way that makes the book worth a read and a re-read. The doctor concludes that the only known cure for vitriol is “an awareness of life” and the medication is “an awareness of death”.
Death awareness
When we think about death we often go to a fear of not existing or a fear of pain. We also often think about the people who would mourn our non-existence. And because we cannot change the fact that we will die it makes sense to us to avoid the subject altogether and ignore this fact.
But what we put aside or bury in our subconscious reduces our awareness of it. And wandering through our day-to-day without an awareness of death means less appreciation for the life we have.
Someone once said that we should live our lives as if we would die tomorrow. Of course on a practical side that does not make for a better life if we then cancel medical aid, quit our jobs and spend everything we have. Or at least not long term. The first week may be amazing though!
Live each day like it is your last
But knowing, really knowing, that we will die, can be the motivator to really live. Feeling in our hearts and our gut and our intrinsic knowing that the life we have is temporary can lead to finding fullness in this life – doing the scary thing that will bring us joy.
As a death doula, I do several things that scare me and bring me joy and they vary greatly. I ride a motorbike, which is scary and exhilarating and life affirming. I also am learning to say no to things I am expected to say yes to. That is scary for a very different reason. I have believed for much of my life that my value, my worth is tethered to my ability to be helpful. In my stunted knowing I believed that this also meant I had to say yes when asked for something even if that meant putting aside my own needs.
These musings are one of the reasons I love the path of the death doula I have chosen. It focuses me on the fact we all die and allows me to pursue the life I want to live.
Take control of your life
You do not have to be a death doula to contemplate death in order to live life of course. But, if the contemplation of death is part of your job it is more likely you will. I therefore take the medication described in Paulo Coelho’s book on a regular basis and in my awareness of death find my awareness for my own life and how I want it to be.
If this resonates with you and you want a recommendation on where to start you could start where I did –
exploring why I am the way I am;
how I want it to be different; and
how to do it differently.
There are many ways in which to do this and innumerable resources you can find online. I started with a Woman Within weekend, run in South Africa once a year in the Western Cape and in Gauteng. You are welcome to start there too. (For men there is the option of the ManKind Project).
All the best,
Britta
Meet Britta Rotmann
Britta is an end of life companion doula who shifted from a varied career in law, government, international organisations and NPOs to the more sacred work of being with people at the end of their life. Although her BA, LLB and Masters in Law bring relevant knowledge to the field, it is her ability to ask the tough questions and sit in difficult conversations that is her core competency in this work.
Britta writes about what makes our end of life processes easier so that we can focus on the sacredness of this time. Contact Britta at meerkatphilosophy@gmail.com or read more about her here.
