How music can support you at the end of life

Music has a way of reaching us when words no longer can. Long before we learn to speak, we respond to rhythm, tone, and vibration. And often, after speech fades, music remains accessible. At the end of life, when physical strength wanes and conversations may become difficult, music can offer comfort, connection, and meaning in a uniquely gentle way.

Music can soften fear, open emotional space, and create moments of deep presence for both the dying person and those who love them. Music can take us back to happy moments and safe spaces. Music does not try to fix or explain death. Instead, it accompanies it.

Music, Ancestry, and Belonging

Music choice is deeply personal. What may be a joyful song for me may be grating for you. My current two favourite songs reflect my ancestry and sense of belonging, both having been discovered with close friends and family, one German and one South African. (Wildberry Lillet by Nina Chuba and This Town by Jeremy Loops and Ladismith Black Mambazo).

I realised that my own choice in music reflect my ancestry as well my joy - connection to others. So Wildberry Lillet will always remind me of a road trip with my nephew and This Town will remind of a joyful evening with close friends.

We are layered beings. Our histories, cultures, migrations, and losses all find expression in sound. Honouring music at the end of life is, in many ways, about honouring the full complexity of who a person has been.

Music as Emotional Support

The end of life is often accompanied by a wide range of emotions: fear, sadness, regret, gratitude, love, and sometimes relief. These feelings may arise unpredictably and may be difficult to articulate. Music allows emotions to be felt without the pressure to explain them.

A familiar song can validate grief, soothe anxiety, or evoke joy and laughter through shared memories. It can give permission to cry or simply to be still. Importantly, music meets people where they are emotionally, without judgement or expectation.

Accessing Memory and Identity

Music is deeply linked to memory. Even when cognitive function is impaired—as in advanced dementia or during the final stages of illness—music can awaken recognition and a sense of self. A song from childhood, a hymn, or a favourite artist can reconnect a person to their life story.

At the end of life, when identity may feel reduced to a diagnosis or a failing body, music can remind someone of who they have been: a dancer, a parent, a lover of jazz, a choir member, a rebel, a romantic. This can be profoundly affirming.

Supporting the Body

Music does not only affect the mind; it also supports the body. Slow, gentle music can help regulate breathing, lower heart rate, and ease physical tension. In palliative settings, music is often used alongside pain management to promote relaxation and comfort.

Live music, when appropriate, can be especially powerful. The human voice or acoustic instruments create vibrations that are felt physically, offering a sense of closeness and care. Even recorded music, carefully chosen, can help create a calmer environment.

Choosing a living end over silence

For all these reasons it is sad to think that we often want to give our family or friends who are ill “peace and quiet”, by shutting the door to the room they are in, whispering near them and generally treating them as if they were already gone. Instead, I invite you to have a conversation with the person and ask them what it is they want to hear, what music calms them, what uplifts them and which choices they want to make as they move closer to death.

There is no “right” music for dying—only what feels right for the individual. Preferences may change as death approaches. Some people want familiar and comforting songs; others prefer instrumental music or silence punctuated by occasional sound. And some would like their favourite radio station to be on all the time.

Sitting down and compiling a playlist is a project that can evoke memories for everyone involved and find joy even as we face loss. This can be part of broader end-of-life planning, alongside conversations about care, values, and legacy.

Above all, music should be offered, not imposed. Sensitivity to volume, timing, and response is essential. At the end of life, when so much is beyond control, music remains something deeply human—an expression of connection, memory, and presence. It reminds us that even as life is ending, relationship and meaning continue.

In this way, music supports not only the dying, but also those who bear witness. It helps us stay open-hearted in the face of one of life’s most profound transitions.

All the best

Britta

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Meet Britta Rotmann

Britta is an end of life companion doula who shifted from a varied career in law, government, international organisations and NPOs to the more sacred work of being with people at the end of their life. Although her BA, LLB and Masters in Law bring relevant knowledge to the field, it is her ability to ask the tough questions and sit in difficult conversations that is her core competency in this work.

Britta writes about what makes our end of life processes easier so that we can focus on the sacredness of this time. Contact Britta at meerkatphilosophy@gmail.com or read more about her here.